When it comes to adding a +1, are we subtracting an identity?
We deal with growing older or growing our family with the inevitable additions: 30 the sequel, Me plus 3, 2015 part 2. However you’d like to phrase
it, just don’t ADD it.
I couldn't help but notice that the phrase '+1' is used a lot. From work colleagues asking to bring their +1 to an event to myself adding a +1 to my
Although I can understand the dread of entering into another age box, I've never looked at a relationship as being, or
having, a +1, simply myself plus you.
As a seasoned singleton I'm familiar with being solo. When I
have dated someone in the past (a rare phenomenon), I haven't used the mathematical terminology to introduce them; I used
their name. “Hey can I bring BLANK to your birthday this weekend?” Saying their
name seemed to give them an identity all their own, leaving their association (and predictable break-up) with me out of the equation. They aren't viewed as +1/boyfriend/lover, they are BLANK.
People view themselves as complex and indefinable, so let's refer to them as x.
x = you
1 = them
x+1 =a complete and utter mindfuck of emotions aka a relationship
The goal of this equation is to determine what the value of x is. We add +1 to x, with a known result (a relationship), and like magic, x is defined. We use our +1's to define ourselves, and by doing so, we reduce our +1 to merely it's association with x, and therefore, +1 has no identity once x and 1 are separated. Whether separated means broken-up or simply wondering around on their own. I've been introduced as a +1 before. They used those exact words and it felt as though I had no identity. As if I relied upon them to even exist, and that they relied upon me to define their lives (at least their romantic life).
What happens if we drop the +1 and allow them to be an
identity on their own, not an identity by comparison to ourselves?
What if I drop the +1 to my age. I’d be 24. What if my
colleague asked to bring Stacy to the event? I’d ask who she is,
what she does, find out her identity that goes beyond x +1.
When we stop viewing ourselves as x, and the people
associated with us a simple number, maybe we can all become as unique as the
person that chose us to be with them on that occasion.
Maybe we are all just as interesting as our numbers add up to…
Today is my 24th birthday. I am 24.
Kelsey is bringing John to my birthday.
Matt is bringing Jennifer to our work event.
If I may quote The Beatles; I am he as you are he as you are me
and we are all together.
It's day 6 of Lent and I'm finding myself filling my days with anything but shopping. It's been a great week of experiences and I've highlighted some below...
Is that... is that sunshine?!
We were lucky this past weekend as we had some sunshine! I got Chandler set-up with plenty of poop bags and we made our way to English Bay to meet my friend Sarah. The view is incredible and it made me happy to live in a place like Vancouver!
A hop, skip, water-taxi away!
Sunday's are usually reserved for me to laze around my place waiting for the 8pm episode of Girls on HBO, but this Sunday I joined Leonie and Randa on their Granville Island outfit shoots. We took the water-taxi there and back and enjoyed taking photographs surrounded by crazy geese, getting fresh 'love-meat' and cheeses from the market, and topping it off with a delicious meal at Bridges!
Although this wasn't the most eventful game (Tuesday March 12th) it was the first time I had been to a game this season, the first time I've worn my jersey this season AND the first time I have ever been in a private box suite. The view was incredible, as were the people, but I couldn't help but long for the seats below me in the upper bowl where everyone was getting drunk and rowdy.
We were young...
My friend decided to share a photo with me from many years ago and I couldn't help but share it here. There are no words to describe this Met night except: We were young.
To be a bachelor, or to not be a bachelor. That is the
WARNING: This is written on experiences, most men are simply
lovely (just not the ones my close friends and I have had the pleasure of
We have all started a sentence with an urban myth. They
sound something like: “Well my friends, friend Stacy…” but here’s an urban
myth turned reality.
What’s the best Valentines Day gift? A text message letting
you know you are now single.
It got me to wondering about timing in relationships. As
Sex and the City once wrote; men all have a taxi light. They could drive past
you for years, but once their light turns on, the first person to wave their
hand gets to jump right in…
Now I must say, many men, regardless of their maturity
level, would respectfully dump 2 weeks before, or after, a day that requires
you to declare your love, but in the off chance you hit a man during “The
Bachelor Years”, you should prepare for this type of behavior.
Men, between the ages of 29-33, have to make a big decision.
To be a bachelor, or to not be a bachelor…
They’ve reached a milestone. An age that tells them to start
making some life decisions, and like a child “THEY DON’T WANT TOOOOOO!!”
I’ve had the ‘Bachelor Years’ experiences, both dating a guy
going through them, and a guy that survived them…
So what do we do? Do we compromise and give them their
space, or do we give them our number and tell them to call us once they’ve
completed “The Bachelor Years”?
What's my response? I will still date men, any age, but during
that time in their lives, I’m going to be a little more cautious. Girls have
their ‘slutty years’ (19-23..36), and guys have their ‘bachelor years’. As long
as we are aware of a person’s expectations, and can identify the ‘red flags’, I
think we can ensure urban myths don’t become a rude reality, particularly one
that ends with a text message break-up on the international day of love.
I have never been more grateful for the 3 weeks it takes to deliver my purchases from Nasty Gal. I was pleasantly surprised that a package had arrived for me on Day 3 of my torture, and ripped it open like a kid on Christmas day!
The box was a beauty, but the stuff inside was the treasure!
Besides from a casual grey tank and a cutout white blouse (both for summer), the hat was the highlight.
I've don't usually wear hats (except trucker hats circa grade 8), but I'm excited to try this look.
So far, so good, but I don't remember making any more orders pre-Lent, so I'm sure this is as good as it gets!
Everything was 25% off (sigh...), they had amazing popcorn and cookies by
Love Sugar, and I had the pleasure of meeting the designers
of Party Skirts, Lauren & Mariel Armstrong.
This event was the true test of my will-power. I still indulged my senses, by trying
on a Party Skirt (which I’ve been obsessed with for months), and I had my make-up done. The Party Skirt looked amazing, casual or dressy and
I must have one in every colour,
Leonie and I loved our look by the talented make-up artists at the Holt Renfrew Laura Mercier counter. I can't wait to stop by Holts for this indigo eyeliner once Lent is over!
I know I will be frequenting Rebecca Bree’s
boutique on a regular basis and making a checklist of the MUST HAVE’s. Rebecca even had these handy checklists prepared – she must have seen
me coming a mile away!