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Friday, August 16, 2013

How To Stop Sleep Farts

We've all done it. It's like an alarm clock we didn't set. We fart in our sleep and it wakes us up. If there's someone in the bed with us, we lay silently to see if they woke up too. We lay so still we start to sweat. Did their breathing change, does it smell, are they awake?!



I've had a legitimate fear of sleep farting since I was young. My sister said she walked past my bedroom one night and it sounded like an automatic rifle going off. Older sisters are great aren't they? She's also the reason I don't eat fruit cups. In elementary school I was afraid my fruit cup expired so before I ate it she put salt in it. Worst taste/experience of my life, and she didn't tell me for 10 years. That's 10 years of chemicallized fruit I've missed out on. Anyway, she not only told me that I fart in my sleep, and compared it to warfare, but she also told anyone that would listen. My parents, my friends, her friends, relatives, and quite possibly strangers if the opportunity presented itself. 

Now, I didn't share my bed with a guy for a long time. I guess we can say I blossomed late in life. But the first night I did, I hardly slept. My sisters wise words of 'automatic rifle' and 'warfare' had me clenching my cheeks tightly and having a light sleep. That was until my 'partner' became the one who sleep farted. I was shocked. And also a little relieved. He didn't even wake up from the ordeal, in fact, the only reason I heard it was because I was wide awake trying to avoid that exact same fate. Too bad guys are guys. They can do anything they want, as long as they do it with some confidence, and trust me, they can do anything with confidence. 


Once I became used to sharing my bed more casually, I still found myself sleeping light and praying nothing would squeak out (like the infamous Sex and the City episode). 


But girls talk - thank god, and we were able to discuss that 'Sleep Farts' are a common fear. We even came up with some solutions. They may not 'stop' sleep farting, but they lessen the impact. A smell's origin you can act confused over, but a sound is easy to track. 


According to scientific fact, you fart a balloons worth of air a day. And if you consider how long you hold farts in while at work, shopping or on the bus, you can only imagine how much has to come out at night... 


Here are some non-scientific solutions to stop sleep farting:


1. Wear something tight to bed. 
This means something that goes between your cheeks. For example: booty shorts (tuck them between), a thong etc. It'll act as a bumper so if you do fart, it won't have to try escape from between two tightly clenched body parts, and hence, it'll make less noise.
2. Put a pillow between your legs. 
Again - we are trying to separate your 'buttocks'. If your cheeks are apart, they can't make that automatic rifle sound as they clap together. The air can come out freely.
3. Don't drink something fizzy before bed.
This may sound like common knowledge, but how many times have you reached for a sparkling water, or had a mixed drink on a date? These are the main causes of bloating, and consequentially, farting.
4. Get a dog.
5. Lay on your side or back.
Laying on your stomach is basically asking for a sleep fart; you're pressing down on your stomach and your butt is up in the air.
6. If you do it - do it with confidence. 
We all know women aren't perfect - duh.  We take 'number 2s', we 'fart', and hell, we 'sleep fart'. When guys sleep, they sleep as if they are dead. If they can snore, and fart, and basically knock you out of bed without so much as batting an eye, they won't be any wiser to you farting in your sleep. 

Plus - as my friends and I discussed - men who have caught us 'sleep farting' have laughed and found it 'cute'. Guys have always loved toilet humour. Ask Adam Sandberg...



So ladies, if you're in a new relationship and you'd like to reserve the embarrassing stuff to things you do while you're awake - try my non-scientific solutions and see if they work. And if they don't, a guy that makes you feel bad for farting, is not worth dating.
If you want to know more about the life of a lady who sleep farts, check me out.

Here's a clip of the infamous Sex and the City 'fart'. Enjoy...



86 comments:

  1. Great humour in your writing. I love solution number 4! It would work any given time of the day too...

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    1. Glad you liked it! Yes - I've had my dog for almost 10 years, best excuse.

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    2. :/ just had an incident where I tooted while sleeping, so embarrassing, I don't think he heard it as he sleeps through anything but still I wonder... Anyway these solutions are great, the thong one works perfectly. Lol

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    3. Haha I'm sure he didn't wake up, and if he did, he respectfully ignored it lol! Glad you find the tips helpful :)

      Elizabeth | The Undomesticated

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    4. Mine are extremely loud , my girlfriend says I wake her up three two four times a night. .I blame hair .removal

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  2. Yah num 4 waz good. Guys do it 2 but we/I just laugh if somone complains

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    1. Number 4 is my go-to escape excuse. Guys ALWAYS do it which I find funny...

      Elizabeth | The Undomesticated

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    2. Dearest Elizabeth g
      I have a moral question to ask you about a certain duvet park subject
      Discuss

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  3. Do not care of any one we as a human are very wear best solution I will prefer is to sleep on the right hand side by putting ur right hand under ur right hand and bend ur both legs and place ur left hand on the top of ur legs also during day time when the pressure comes try to release it in a safe place I mean out of public so that the pressure will not build during night.
    All the best
    Shaz

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    1. Hi Shaz,
      Good tips!! Definitely a safe place during the day will help your evenings!
      Elizabeth | The Undomesticated

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  4. my girfriend is from wales i dont know what people eat in that country but this girl always farts at nights when she is sleeping what can i do folks please help

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    1. I'd suggest making some changes before you both go to bed. Drinking fizzy drinks? Eating bloating food? If you make the change in what you eat/drink before bed, she may take on those habits too.
      And another option - Buy her some sexy booty shorts for bed! These will tuck between her cheeks and help reduce the sound...
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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    2. Farting in your sleep is natural... I don't know why anyone is trying to hide it. If you have a problem with being in the bed with another human.. maybe you shouldn't be dating?

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    3. I agree I sleep fart and as they say the older you get the funnier fart are. When I'm told I was fartting it tickles me.

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  5. This was an awesome article truly hilarious... Extra points for making me seem normal again!

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    1. So happy you enjoyed it! All girls do it... at least I hope they do haha.
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  6. Good tips!! This just happened to me last night SO embarrassing, but he didn't say anything and this morning acted as if he didn't hear anything, but I know he did lol I well definitely try these tips

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    1. If he heard it and respectively ignored it, you've got a keeper! For you own peace of mind definitely try some of the tips!! Hope they help.

      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  7. What a co-incidence! I had just logged on from India and farted what I thought was very loud, enough to shake the walls and reveal the blast to them. Felt light and like 30 seconds later, felt the all the wind move like it does in NYC streets especially in winters, lol. I wrote a phrase in "Goog|e Search and your site came up on top. I'm a guy I guess but I just so loved your writeup that I bookmarked your site. On a side note, I love dogs and find the medium to the big ones cute although I don't have any right now. Also, isn't it a mercy on me that in this big house, my folks set up sleep camp far away but it has been noticed that mom and I have indulged in Fart Championship before. The one who farts more number of times wins. Happy Farting and do say my Hello to the dog. :-)

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    1. Haha thanks for the comment! Glad you liked the post and good to hear your family has an awesome sense of humour! I'll let Chandler (my dog) know you say hey!
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  8. I`m also having this problem lately, I don`t know why, but when I asleep I fart, and it`s very embarrassing, I`m starting to hate my tummy, I`m a student and I`m sharing my room with boy student since the shared room is much cheaper, I don`t fart during the day, if I have to do it, I always go to the toilet like a proper lady, but lately, I don`t know I`m started to fart when I asleep, and of course, I became wide awake and woke up, he was awake doing his home assignments, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, he pretended it`s not happening, but this happened 3 times in 2 weeks. It`s so embarrassing, especially if he`s just a roomie not my bf or friend, now I must be considered as a boy lol, Thank you for your tips, I will try these.

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    1. Sorry for my delay in my response! Never saw this comment! Apparently if you hold it in, it all comes out at night anyway (you're relaxed when you sleep, or at least you should be). I hope some of these tips worked, though they were never thought to apply to a room-share situation! Best of luck...
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  9. Lately I've been doing it often and husband HATES IT. Says its a huge turn off. At first I was so embarrassed but now I just get pissed that he tells me everytime I do it. He really needs to get over it. :(

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    1. He really does need to get over it, but take a look at what you'e been eating lately since this is a new thing for you! Could just a be case of drinking fizzy drinks before bed or perhaps a sensitivity to gluten/dairy. But all in all, wear a pair of hot tight booty shorts that will help muffle the sound and you'll look damn good in them - he won't complain anymore ;)
      - Elizabeth George www.theundomesticated.com

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    2. He's too immature to be sleeping in the same bed with you.. why not make him sleep on the couch until he grows up?

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  10. Wow, hilarious article! I didn't stop loling from beginning to end! XD

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    1. Haha glad you enjoyed it! I'll be blogging again soon so look out for more :)

      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  11. I am in fucking tears. Sorry. But ommggg. I was so tired one evening, while with my guy lover/friend. I dozed off for a second. It woke me up. Yes i farted. And he asked if i was okay. Omgg. And he was laughing a little. I thought i was talking in my sleep, he was like nah. You weren't talking.. then i just laid tgere still. Lmfaooo sooo embarrassing

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    1. Hahaha if you laugh at it, so will he! Funniest part is asking if you were talking in your sleep...
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  12. I can relate... I can relate
    #girltruth

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    1. #sleepfarts ha!

      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  13. Its also happened to me this afternoon in a social gathering..everyone (guys and ladies) gathered and were having a general gist..and all of a sudden..I slept and my fart woke me up..was really embarrased .I had to just sleep back immediately and act like its normal. Lol

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  14. Mine happens whenever I'm in social gatherings - work, school, wherever. It kinda sneaks up on me with sleep. So, without realizing it, I fall asleep and then it happens. It doesn't even wake me up, but I become aware when the people around me look my direction with different expressions. Some people give me this look of disgust that makes me have no doubt that given any opportunity they'd shoot me. But it's not my fault; it simply happens. For the must part, I feel extremely embarrassed almost forever. I can't help myself because it happens every now and then. What can I do about it?

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  15. Try Anal sex. your farts will never make a sound again. :D

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    1. HA this is one remedy I don't think I'm going to try out... but thanks for suggestion ;)

      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  16. this was so funny. I laughed so hard I had to remind myself to breathe and had tears streaming down my face. thanks so much for posting this.it was exactly what I needed.

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    1. Glad you got a good laugh out of this! More posts are coming soon (I took a year break), hope you can enjoy those as well!

      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  17. I didn't fart in front of my boyfriend of 3 years until yesterday, lol. I wasn't sleeping, but we were just acting silly together and he randomly started tickling me! I'm very ticklish and I couldn't stop laughing and squirming like crazy trying to get away. Anyway, it just slipped out and I was SO mortified!! almost wanted to die on the spot, lol. I honestly was blushing so much and I can't stop thinking about it. He just laughed and teased me about it because he's never seen me do that before & he knows I'm usually such a lady about these things, lol. I'm meeting him tomorrow for a movie and dinner and I don't think I can face him from my utter embarrassment :(

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    1. You need to play this one out and laugh about it! He know has material to humiliate you for weeks to come... if you don't laugh with it, you won't get to enjoy the fun!
      PS. You guys sound cute, 3 years and never a fart made, I think it's getting serious ;)

      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  18. Get over it. You're human omg!

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    1. Yes, very true. I'm actually kind of glad a humorous article is top ranking on the subject. Farting is funny so we need to learn to laugh at ourselves!
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  19. Its odd that I am told by this woman that as I guy we "can do anything they want". The reality is that women often laugh or complain and call us such things as disgusting pigs for sleep farting.
    Yet "a guy that makes you feel bad for farting, is a not worth dating".

    Come on ladies make up your minds. Do you want equality and be called disgusting pigs like men are, or are you going to be perfect like the media portrays you and never guff ?

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    1. You make a good point.
      That being said, the sentence said:
      "Too bad guys are guys. They can do anything they want, as long as they do it with confidence, and trust me, they can do anything with confidence."
      What I'm trying to get across in the article is that if women farted with the same confidence that men did, we wouldn't have any shame in it. Women tend to hide bodily functions they fear are not feminine. This article simply brings to light 'sleep farting' so perhaps women will laugh at it, and therefore, laugh at themselves. We are all human!
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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    2. "This article simply brings to light 'sleep farting' so perhaps women will laugh at it, and therefore, laugh at themselves. We are all human! "

      Well this is part of my point Elizabeth, the article stereo types men as different to women.

      "What I'm trying to get across in the article is that if women farted with the same confidence that men did, we wouldn't have any shame in it."

      Many men lack confidence just as women do, so when a women complains about a man it actually affects him just as it would a woman.

      I think the problem for some women's lack of confidence is not because of their male partners, but its due to pressure from feminists and the media that portray women as a paragon of virtue. This toxic society (no pun intended lol) knocks the confidence of men AND women in many aspects in life these days.

      Having said that, I understand what this article is trying to do, and I believe partners of either sex should make as small a deal as any about this subject. After all, if a relationship is to become long term then people need to live and let live.

      Thanks for the reply. Regards, K

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    3. Your comment gives a great balance to my blog post!
      You're correct, men can lack confidence just as much as women, and perhaps it's the societal pressure of certain actions being deemed 'not feminine' that make women more concerned with this (at least outwardly).

      Thanks for making think a little beyond my normal 'sarcastic' banter, K. All the best!

      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  20. I was on the phone last night with my boyfriend and I fell asleep. I checked the call history and I think he stayed on the phone for a bit and then hung up. I've always had this huge paranoia of doing anything embarrassing in front of him. We've been together for 8 months now and I only ate in front of him yesterday for the first time! Literally. (cuz i feel he would think im a pig :P)
    But anyway. I think I farted but I'm not sure. He wasn't acting strange but I think he seemed a little embarrassed you could say today. Could be my annoying paranoia or maybe he really is.
    However I'm not sure. Maybe I farted or maybe I made some weird noise I'm not sure. But I really want to know, but I dont want to ask. What should I do? Help!!
    Oh and your article was so funny! and Merry Christmas :D

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  21. I think anyone who has ever grown up around other people knows that people pass a little air every now and then. It's a part of life. No way around it, like taxes and school fees. Good tips for ladies who want to be as discreet as possible ;-)

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  22. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this problem. Thanks for the tips ;)

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  23. Very good article. I don't think I have farted in front of my boyfriend more than two times during our entire relationship (6 years!). Each time it was an accident and very embarrassing, but funny. I guess I was never really scared to fart in front of him, I just never did it. I don't know if I fart in my sleep, but if I do, GOOD!! I say this because my boyfriend farts in his sleep, all the time, every night, one after the other and they smell so bad! It's the kind of fart that reeks like rotten eggs and lingers beyond belief. The kind that smells so bad you can taste it. Especially when I am trying to go to sleep at night. It's like a silent but deadly concentration camp under the covers (gas chamber lol). I know he isn't doing it on purpose, but OMG, that wretched stench will put someone into a coma. He has even woken himself up from the smell of his own God awful sulfur farts. Nothing is helping to stop it and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't know how much longer I can take it. I am so sleep deprived I feel like a zombie and it makes things worse because I am a stay at home mom and I can't very well just doze off whenever the hell I feel like it and leave my child unattended. What else can I do to stop my boyfriends horrific smelling sleep-fart fest? It is 4am right now and I am STILL awake because I keep having to get up and leave the room to escape the fumes. The smell often lingers in excess of 30 to 40 minutes before I can try to get back in bed. He farted directly on me last week when I was trying to go to bed and let me tell you.......that fart was so raunchy and hot I could feel the heat coming out of his butt hole and piercing my pajamas. I thought I might die. Instead, I just dry heaved for like an hour. Total torture.

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    1. I'm no expert, or doctor, but I think it must be something he's eating (maybe he's Lactose and doesn't know it)! Maybe ask about it when you go off to the doctors, on his behalf!
      Hope it all goes well!
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  24. I stopped farting in my sleep already ;)

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    1. Haha good to hear!
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  25. When mama busts loose with the tear gas, I just cinch down the top of the sheets and the surprise attack is magically absorbed by the fart fairies. The fairies are quite small, so don't sneak a whiff after only 5 minutes, unless you want to stain your nose hairs.

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  26. Hi,
    I well shaved my hair below once and then the blasts began. The way I found it, a thong does work, however I use a more novel solution, a ball point pens tube, the side where the nib juts out from. I know its silly but it works anyway. Silent Farts without the claps of thunder. I wish there was some similar device made for that purpose only. :)

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    1. Good tip (no pun intended). It's the separation that'll stop the sound haha!
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  27. This is the funniest article I have ever read. It literally took me a half hr. To read it through My outbursts of laughter... So true!!!

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    1. Hi there, so glad you enjoyed it!
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  28. Hi, first I must say, reading this i was so cracking up, I laff so hard.
    Last night I was skyping with my "old/new" boyfriend. Old because we met over 23 years ago and we recently found each other again. As i was saying we were skyping, I fell asleep, some time in the middle of the night I woke up to see my laptop all quite, I checked my messenger to see an icon with a love fart and a message "No More Milk" I'm lactose tolerant..and another message saying "I love you so very much" I was so embarrassed! Still is. I don't think I can ever face him again. Now we have planned to see each other in Jan, so embarrassed I don't know if I can face him.

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    1. Hey Simi,
      You can definitely face him again. It's okay to feel embarrassed but it's important to learn to laugh at yourself. You have a long life and you're going to have to laugh at yourself eventually, and this is the perfect opportunity to start! Plus, you made him laugh and reinforced the situation with an 'I love you' - you can't get much better than that!
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  29. This is such an article.. i have had a research about sleep farting. i still do not know if he knows or was sleeping, i pretended i was dreaming and moaned.. hahaha...

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  30. Well, I am a guy thus immune to embarrassment, but lately I sleep light in the early hours, and relieve the flatulent tension. The problem is that my lady even sleeps lighter, and actually wakes up and cannot go back to sleep. That's her grounds for being upset, and I feel for her. I need to find a silencer :-)

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    1. A silencer indeed, perhaps a pillow between your legs will assist in a more free flowing path of air... or since she's up, have some 'fun' time.
      e | www.theundomesticated.com

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  31. I bet when you fart, it sounds like angels singing

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    1. Hahaha thanks for the vote of confidence!
      e | www.theundomesticated.com

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  32. I'm so paranoid about farting i almost never fart if anyone is in the vicinity leading my bf to note that I "never" fart. Now that we live together I haven't lost that control during the day, but there is nothing he loves more than teasing me when i "toot" in my sleep. If i didnt make such a big deal out of never farting he probably wouldnt tease me so much when i do.

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    1. It's great that you and your boyfriend are comfortable around each other to make light of the issue! Glad you enjoyed the article!
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  33. Literally had the most embarrassing moment of my life, but this article cheered me up a little! Went on a trip my friend invited me on and I was meeting a group of people for the first time. I ended up sharing a room with one of the guys (2 beds) and was terrified to fall asleep because my stomach was acting funny and I was bloated. The next morning, It was clear that I had farted to the extreme in my sleep! At first the guys were making subtle jokes and then the girls got a little serious and I caught on and even though I was HUMILIATED, I owned up to it and joked it off. Although, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die of humiliation! There goes my mark on first impressions, lol.

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    1. Taking ownership of your flaws means no one can use them against you ;) Lol
      Glad you were able to laugh it off, first impressions determine if they'll be lasting ones and I think yours will last lol.
      Elizabeth | www.theundomsticated.com

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  34. Haha I'm laying in bed with my partner asleep next to me and trying my hardest not to laugh too much when I read number 4 omg hahaha

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    1. Lol a dog makes an excellent excuse for accidental sleep farting. Hope you can laugh about it!
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  35. I was reading this because my gas woke me up this morning. My fiancé was just returning from the bathroom so I know he heard. I know I shouldn't be embarrassed, we've been together for almost eight years. . . but I was. It was the first time this ever happened. Well it was the first time I was aware of it. He didn't say anything and I didn't either but the silence was killing me. Reading the comments, I was feeling a bit better about it at the time. So I seized the moment when he was startled at the sound of my phone and asked was I awake. I jokingly said yes my gas woke me up. He replied, "well I let mine out already". What a man! Ladies, why are we so unnecessarily self conscious!

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    1. Glad you enjoyed my article and were able to laugh about it together!
      - Elizabeth George | www.theundomesticated.com

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  36. I am a man and I have often powerful farts so that I like this article I find it is one of the best I never see

    Among the possible solutions without hesitation I take solution 1!

    And I say : "Thongs, thongs and still thongs !" and I enjoy keep my thong during the night (in this case prefer cotton or silk rather synthetics, your skin breathe better and gas is better absorbed by the material ! )

    I have the same technique if I have neighbouring people with proper factures. When the fart comes in the beginning I let the gas go slowly in the thong to reduce noise at maximum then after I push more to increase gas flow and when I feel the end of the gas I push with insistance so that the whole gas is ejected in the thong !

    Benefits : less noise for people and less smells for people too (and more smell in the thong of course) !

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    1. Wow you're a sleep farting pro! Thanks for the insight.
      - Elizabeth George | www.theundomesticated.com

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  37. My wife evidently holds them in all day and unfortunately she fizzles in her sleep every night. I am a hard sleeper but a lot of times I am awakened by the cloud of death that engulfs the bedroom. I had to buy a (fart) candle and put it on my nightstand. She is not aware of the trauma that I face nightly. Any Suggestions?

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    1. I don't have any suggestions for you unfortunately! This is a self-help post, meaning your wife would have to look it up! I know that my sister telling me as a kid was traumatizing and caused me to be nervous about it always, so bringing it up to her could cause some insecurities. That being said, relationships are about being open and honest and if you think this is a real issue for you, find a way to bring it up that works for your relationship. Tip: I find that making yourself the centre of the conversation e.g. "I woke myself up from sleep farting last night, how can I fix that? Maybe I'll fart more before bed!" and see where it takes you!
      Elizabeth George | www.theundomesticated.com

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  38. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  39. Been married for 47 years and I can count on one hand the times I heard my wife fart. Someone please relieve my anguish an tell me she farts more than that. You see i have a diploma in the art of farting and the mismatch in this area really worries me.

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    1. Maybe you're just a heavy sleeper ;)
      Elizabeth | www.theundomesticated.com

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  40. I completely agree- the quicker you can force yourself to adjust, the better! I usually have some "my time/their time" thought in my head, but only as far as contacting people back home. Usually, I am able to get into a new sleeping schedule within a day or two as long as I am strict with myself!
    Thank you for sharing, by the way

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  41. HA HAAAA Get a Dog.!! Best advice EVER!!! Lol!

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    1. Haha thanks! Dogs are a man's best friend!

      Elizabeth George | www.theundomesticated.com

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  42. Replies
    1. Thanks!!

      Elizabeth George | www.theundomesticated.com

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  43. We used to call my father Fartzilla. His farts echoed throughout the house. Now 40 years later I have become Son of Fartzilla.

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    1. LOL It's a generational thing...

      Elizabeth George | www.theundomesticated.com

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