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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Textual Chemistry

If I have to say it, I will (borrowing a quote from an ex-something) please stop Tindering and thinking it's dating.

In fact - if there is one thing I've learned from inflicting my dating 'lifestyle' on my friends, it's this: less talk, more action. 

I'm sure you've found yourself say "But we got along so well in texts but when we met - nothing...". 

From eHarmony to OKCupid to Tinder, I find the more I talk, the more an image of my dream man forms, despite what's in his profile. 

I remember going to see an apartment for rent in the centre of downtown Vancouver. It was a bachelor suite for only $800/month. I looked at all the photos, reviewed it's central location, even analyzed the square footage and I thought to myself "This is it - this is my dream apartment, nothing can deter me!". I came with my first months rent in hand, and then it happened. All that textual chemistry did not prepare me for the nothingness I felt when I actually visited. The exterior exposed massive cracks, not to mention the crackheads that were walking nearby. The hallways smelt of smoke (I never thought I'd need a non-smoking apartment), and the actual suite looked like it barely survived an earthquake.  My chemistry was well thought-out, but it wasn't real.

The same can be said for dating. The longer you chat over text, the more disappointed you'll be in person. This doesn't mean they're bad people, but they will never be who you think they are... because who you think they are, doesn't exist

I'm not saying don't have expectations, but keep your expectations firmly grounded in reality. If he says he's a bartender that likes to play video games - don't assume he's dressed in a bowtie at the Fairmont and plays video games ironically. Same can be said for my apartment. If it's $800/month, I shouldn't have assumed it was because people in this city don't like 1920's character buildings. Be real.

Online dating puts it all out front. What would normally take 2-3 dates to learn about someone, they give you upon sign up.  They do this to turn an awkward online meetup into first date material. Don't use this material as a launching off point for a week of texting and emails - use it to get their number and set up a date.

Textual chemistry is great, but sexual chemistry is even better. Take some chances, get out from behind your computer and phone screens, and meet real people. Who knows,  you may actually find someone you have real chemistry with, no texting required.

twitter: @georgeelizabeth

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