Learn More About The Undomesticated & being Twentysomething in the city.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Just Met Just Married

You're out with some friends on a Friday night and you see a guy that catches your eye. As the night goes on you strike up a conversation with him. Your friends are ready to leave so you exchange numbers. He touches your hand and you feel a spark. The next day you exchange a few texts and a future is forming in your head. There's no way to stop it. You've just met and you're already married.

I feel as though our imaginations don't disappear with age, they transform. Instead of playing house with dolls, we are playing house with new matches. We don't even need a first date to begin building the life we'll share with our new Ken doll.

Our brain after meeting a someone new:

9:00am: Dum Dum De Dum, Dum Dum De Dum... Wedding bells.
10:00am: We will be in a relationship after 2 months of dating. He's 'good on paper' and cute as hell.
11:00am: We get married. His parents don't live here so maybe we will have two ceremonies.
12:30pm: He will find out that I really don't want children... 
1:00pm:  My cold exterior will drive him into the arms of another woman. What an asshole. 
2:00pm: We get divorced and I'm left exactly where I started except with a different title; divorcee. I've gone through the heartbreak in my head. The crush is over before the first date...

I may be an extreme case but we all do it. We tell ourselves not to 'over analyze' but the wedding bells are going off in our heads. 

How can we stop this viscous cycle? 

5 Questions & Tips after meeting someone for the first time:

1. Do you feel something you'd like to explore? 

TIP: Explore.

2. Do you have mismatched traits? 

TIP: Don't get bogged down in details. I try not to Google or Facebook guys so I don't end up overanalyzing.  Focus on traits that spark your curiosity, at least for now. 

3. Do you see a future with this guy? 

TIP: Be present. You can't have a future with someone without focusing on the 'present'. 

4. Do you feel like you're playing games?

TIP: We all love the thrill of the chase, but do what feels natural.  If you don't act natural, your 'relationship' won't be either.

5. Do you really like him?

TIP: Don't be scared to have your heart broken, and not just in your head. 

This is to all of you hopeless romantics - Keep playing house, but don't let your imagination become your reality.


Twitter: @georgeelizabeth
Facebook: /theundomesticated

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Curse Of The Shaved Legs

With Halloween around the corner, I think it’s only fitting to talk about curses, starting with one of mine that just reared it’s ugly head.

Anytime I shave my legs, the reason for doing so will evaporate into thin air. It’s as if the universe senses I’m preparing for a ‘good time’ and is playing a cruel joke on me. Long story short – Shaved legs = No action.

Whether it's for a party or a pre-planned date, the moment the razor touches my legs, the entire day falls apart. The party guests are all couples, the only single guy shows ZERO interest, my date will fall suddenly ill (most recently) or decide never to speak to me again…

Tuesday morning I actually considered the curse, but shaved my legs anyway… and no more than 4 hours later, he’s deathly ill (man cold no doubt). Looks like I’ll be feeling up these bad boys myself, someone should.

All my future hookups need to know that if my legs are hairy it’s out of lust or love for them, not because I’m a lazy granola, but because I’m a desperately single 24 year old who can’t risk shaving my legs before an important evening with the opposite sex for fear that you will die or disappear.

This curse does comes with an upside: I have been known to consciously shave my legs to ensure I don't hookup with anyone I'll regret. And guess what - it works. 

This brings me to another dating curse: The moment I stop dating someone they somehow meet the person they marry. From a two-week fling to a 3 month escapade, they end up with their long term girlfriends, NAY, their wives. This has happened on 5 occasions. 2 of which are now married. I’m like the 'Good Luck Chuck' for men. Fella’s – if you are tired of dating around, date me. Sure you’ll have to put up with unshaven legs, but trust me, if my curses keep playing out this way, you’ll meet a smooth legged beauty in no time… as for me? I’ll be okay. I have my curses that keep me warm at night.

It's all just a bunch of hocus pocus...


Wednesday, October 09, 2013

In Case Of Emergency

Last night my apartment's fire alarm went off. I woke up (it was about 12:30am) from a deep sleep. I was a little disorientated but I pulled my sh*t together pretty quickly. 

I've always been prepared for emergencies. I have insurance for my apartment, boxes of photographs, and an external harddrive ready to go (which reminds me, I should probably back-up), but when the alarm was going off, and the smoke was filling the hallway, all I took was Chandler and my phone. I didn't even put on a bra, but I think subconsciously that was because of the firemen downstairs. Nothing happened, but I did let my black silk robe slip enough to expose some of my flat chest.

I kept looking up at my apartment windows from the street below hoping everything would be okay, but for all that time I spent preparing for 'emergencies', it wasn't what I expected. My mind was clear. I was okay, Chandler's okay, and I have my phone. 

In the movie 'Up In The Air', George Clooney (swoon) gives a presentation about fitting your responsibilities into a backpack that you're able carry. What, or who, would you put in the backback first? Your dog, your family, your close friends, your house, your car... it becomes too heavy of a burden for you and you have to let some things go - emotionally speaking.

Outside my apartment last night I let it all go. I picked up what was important to me, and what I was able to carry, both physically and emotionally. Not only that, but at 1:00am there wasn't anyone I could call, which seemed to calm me down even more. I had no one else to worry about besides myself and Chandler. The only thing that disappointed me was my outfit - old pj pants, Uggs, and a short black silk robe that one might find in Quagmire's closet... I think I need to set aside a better 'In Case Of Emergency' outfit for next time (maybe some accessories too...)

On a total sidenote - I noticed there were a lot of single blonde girls with dogs in my building between the ages of 24-36. One of them looked far better than me considering she allegedly also 'just woke up'. In the game of life, she'd get the fireman. I can't let that happen next time... 

And finally, to the pot smoker who left a joint burning and catching fire to the rest of your stash, thanks for the wake up call, but no thanks for the 2:00am munchies our entire building experienced. 



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