Learn More About The Undomesticated & being Twentysomething in the city.

Monday, February 12, 2018

It's Not About You.

As I enter the last year of my twenties, I’m pushed to think about my reactions to others.

I recently binge watched all the seasons of HBO’s Girls, and the one thing that became evident was; we are all self-absorbed, individuals, who cannot control others.

That being said, we tend to find people to blame for how we feel. And we somehow think that other people’s intentions are to hurt you. It’s clear, now, that if we are taking a motto into our thirties, it should be: ‘This isn’t about you.’

Shitty things happen in life that are out of your control. For example, your best friend could start dating your ex-boyfriend, you could get ghosted, or you could get cheated on. 

And these situations will cause you a range of emotions: hurt, deceit, rage, insecurities. "Why did they do this to me" is the sentiment oozing out of every pore of your body. But the real answer is quite simple: they didn’t. They did it for themselves. We are so self-absorbed that we believe people are doing things to intentionally hurt us, we seem to forget that everyone else is as equally self-absorbed as we are. Though sometimes people may have the intention of hurting you, most often than not, they were thinking about themselves.

You cannot control people. They, like you, are individuals who will do things that makes them happy. Whether that’s fucking your ex, or cheating on you.

We all have insecurities, and we all do things to not feel them. Many times, we too have done things that, no doubt, hurt someone else, but we put our feelings above theirs. Our needs, our desires, our lessons to learn. And that sums up our twenties. But it doesn't have to follow us into our thirties.

It sucks to realize that things in life aren't always about you, and that you can't always find a person to assign blame for your feelings. Who knew that we are no longer the centre of attention we once thought we were. I’ve recalled countless times where I've hated people for doing things to me, when in reality, they were doing it for themselves. It doesn't mean you have to get over it, or forgive them, you can still cut them out of your life, but until we realize that it wasn't about us, we can't really move on. 

It all comes down to being an individual and recognizing that you can’t control others just like they can’t control you.

It seems bitter to enter my thirties assuming no one cares about me, or takes me into consideration, but when entering any relationship you have to communicate what’s important to you. Outline your expectations, and if they are broken, at least you know you did what you could.

When you feel like someone has wronged you, it’s important to remember, it’s not about you. When George Costanza breaks up with people he always says ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ and I know it’s a line, but I would take it as truth. It’s always about them. So focus on you.

What am I hoping to achieve knowing 'it's not about me'? 
I’m hoping I’ll hold myself to a higher standard. I’m hoping as my thirties roll on, I’ll take it a step further. From recognizing everyone is self-absorbed, to becoming less self-absorbed myself. I need to let friends know what I would do for them, and what I expect from them in return. I need to let ex’s live their lives as they see fit, without assuming every move they make is about me. Give back to my community, participate in causes. And finally, start considering other people’s feelings. 

At the end of the day, if you feel hurt by someone, it gives a little bit of reassurance in knowing, it’s not about you.

- georgeelizabeth

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Do You Have A 'Chandler Bing Job'?

If you had to Google 'What was Chandler Bing's job' before reading this blog post, congratulations! You aren't alone. IT Procurement Manager? Data Analyst... or as Rachel said: 'transponster'. 

We all laughed, of course, but the reality is, we were bound to end up with 'Chandler Bing Jobs'. Did we really think we'd get any of the other jobs mentioned on the show; Chef? Actor? Archeologist? Okay, no one wants to be Ross (though some of us ARE Ross - you know who you are).

So how did we get here? How did we become Data Analysts? Front-End Developers? Lead Generation Marketing Managers? In addition to our 'Chandler Bing' job titles, we worked at 'Chandler Bing' companies. They are company names you don't even bother saying because they are virtually unknown. Now that we are 'Chandler Bing' age, we can all admit; WE GOT CHANDLER JOBS! 
*Except insta-models. 

Need we forget that Chandler kinda fucking hated his job? He made good money, but at the age of 30-something he switched to find the career he really wanted, and he took a major risk to get there. So my thinking is... should we wait to be 30-something Chandler, interviewing for jobs in see-through shirts that exposed his nipples OR take the 'risk' now... when we're still relatively young?

How to tell if you have a 'Chandler Bing Job':

  1. Do you hate the work you do?
  2. Does your job destroy your passion and creativity?
  3. Do you have a third nipple?
  4. Do you yell about a WENUS?
  5. Do you refer to it as a job, not a career?

If you answered YES to all of the above, congratulations, you have a 'Chandler Bing Job'! 

That being said, you can still avoid the fate of being the 'Chandler Bing' in your friends group. No one wants to spend late nights yelling 'I'm looking at the WENUS and I'M NOT HAPPY!' or picking up super-models saying 'Gum would be perfection...'. 

We can change this... 

So how can you change your fate and find your dream job? (Rachel: I'm an Assistant Buyer!). 

The options are simple; either love what you do (cause you do it a lot) or take steps to find something you do. 
  • Find some free online courses. For example, if you're interested in Marketing; Google Analytics certification is free and so is attending on-trend webinars! 
  • Seek out connections who have jobs you'd like to learn more about. Connect on LinkedIn, review their company, learn how they achieved their goals.
  • Determine if you company has some career development options.  
  • Write down where you hope your career will be in 1, 2, or 5 years. 
If there's another direction you want your career to go towards, take calculated steps to get there. With youth comes the ability to take risks (before you adopt twins). 

If you love your job, THAT'S AWESOME! I can't say that becoming a B2B Marketing Manager for an intranet software company was what I wrote down on Career Day, but I love what I get to do each day; expanding brands, creative problem solving, managing a team, and I'm usually quite happy about my WENUS each night. 

Sunday, June 25, 2017

What's The Difference Between Venting and Word-Vomit?

There’s a fine line between venting about a problem and word vomit. I provide 3 tips to improve your social gag reflexes! 

What is the difference between venting and word vomit?

Venting: allowing yourself to speak negatively about a timely, or topical, situation so as to move past the anger and find a solution. SHORT TERM.

Word Vomit: neither recent, nor naturally brought up in a conversation, word vomit occurs due to something or someone versus a situation. If I may quote a super drunk friend who vomited; I had to, it felt like breathing. LONG TERM.

When just the mention of something, or someone, sends you down a blackhole of negativity, you may be experiencing 'word-vomit'. People will stop wanting to hang out with you if all you do is drain your energy into your negative word vomit. And it’s not your fault. IT HAPPENS, but I’m hoping there's a solution to make it happen less often or turn that word vomit into venting.

We all know how the phrase ‘word vomit’ came into our vocabulary; Mean Girls. Cady became so obsessed with being negative about Regina George that she would find reasons to talk about her, and literally couldn’t stop the negativity spewing from her mouth. 

Some common word vomit topics;

  • ex-boyfriends
  • ex-friends (see BFF BreakUp)
  • bosses (if part of your job is frustrating you are more likely to vent, but when it’s someone you have to deal with no matter what is happening at work, it’s word vomit)
  • a restaurant 

So how can we ensure we vent without vomiting? 

1. Is there something YOU can do to feel better?

First we have to determine if this problem will be something that can be solved. If there’s a person who just makes your mouth water with anticipation for a toilet bowl, but you can’t avoid them… you clearly have a problem, and the only way to ‘solve’ this is to remove them from your life any way possible. In other terms; the only solution is what you can do. Look for a new job or remove your ex-boyfriends and friends from any social media.

2. Be selfish, take space. 

From taking a vacation from work, or avoiding a few parties that may involve ex’s, a break may seem selfish, but space is very important. I’m not saying isolate yourself, but find people who don’t know that side of your life that can enjoy a conversation that doesn't feel like a finger down your throat. Once you’ve taken the space you need, you can slowly reintroduce yourself to that circle, if it feels right. 

3. Write it down.

When you find yourself continually word-vomitting, it may feel that's the only thing you ever talk to your friends about anymore. Having friends, and family, is a two-way street. You need to be there for them as much as they are for you, and if you aren’t actively taking steps to address the issue, they may be left wondering; Will they ever care about my life if they can’t take care of their own? I find the healthiest way to word-vomit is to write it down. Find some recurring issues and take those to your friends. For instance; your boss may be an asshole. With that in mind; all your friends have bosses. If you find there’s one thing your boss is repeatedly doing that really sets off your gag reflex, ask if they’ve ever encountered it, and if so, how they handled it. If not, how would they go about handling it. Allowing your friends opinions to be heard, instead of just your own vendetta, ensures the conversation is something you can both gain from. 

In Conclusion; 

We are often asked, in job interviews, by friends etc. how we deal with stress. Most responses are; yoga, running and sure… that might work for ‘some’ people. But a majority of us find comfort in speaking to other people about our problems. Perhaps following the 3 steps above will ensure we can fix a long-term problem and go from word-vomit to venting! 


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