What Are Almost Lovers?

Almost Lovers create a lot of heartache, longing, and hope. This type of 'relationship' probably stings the most because whatever there 'was' is matched by a lot of 'wasn't'. You really could have fallen for them and therefore you can't stop thinking about them. 

Almost-Lover Definition: A relationship that never reaches it's full potential. That ghost of the potential relationship haunts you. 

What's the difference between Almost Lovers and a crush?  Mutual attraction.

The saying goes; the answer is always no unless you ask. But in reality, the answer is always 'maybe' until you're rejected. And sometimes you really, truly, need to be rejection. There are a variety of reasons you 'never ask'. It's usually because you know the answer would be no. From meeting them while abroad, to meeting them while married, these almost-lovers end with a fizzle, not a bang, and fizzles are the most unsatisfying of endings.

Imagine Titanic ended with both Jack and Rose landing in New York City. They really have nothing in common, and they drift. DAMN, that's an awful fizzle. Him freezing to death was definitely a necessary 'bang' ending (I suppose more like a crack). 

With ALL that in mind, these almost-lovers can be extremely difficult to shake off. The impending 'what if' follows you around, putting you in a daze and you struggle to concentrate. It's basically blue balls of the brain. 

There are a lot of things that can be lost when you really don't try, for instance jobs. That being said, the loss we romanticize is potential we never realized. 

What is the solution to getting over almost-lovers? 

1. Time 

Once the rose tinted glasses start to fade you'll soon realize the little things that you previously overlooked in an effort to stay in this love struck mood. For instance; their wedding ring *eyeroll*. Eventually you'll see them again and attempt to force what was once there, but it will never be the same. And deep down, you don't want it to be. 

2. Reality

In an effort to maintain an incredible sexual tension you go out more, dress up sexier, and use social media to your advantage. You think; they'll see me and get in touch. And almost lovers are the worst, they WILL get in touch. Mainly because they like the attention they get, but perhaps there's some lingering connection. Eventually the efforts you put in to making someone notice you, makes you notice yourself. You're going to the beach, weekend BBQ's, shopping for awesome new clothes. In an effort to 'appear' awesome, you naturally become your awesome self. Reality can bite, but it'll lick you after.

3. Nothing...

Once you've classified a relationship as an 'Almost Lover', don't rush to get over it. Jerry Seinfeld always said "Breaking up is like pushing over a vending machine, it takes a few pushes". As long as you're not chasing a high instead of opting for the high road, you'll be fine. The high in this situation; you'll do anything to stay lovestruck to this unavailable person. The high-road; you realize it's a distraction and you know it's not your priority. 

Don't let your crush, crush you.

Post Script

Stop chasing ghosts (almost-lovers), avoid the fizzle ending, and seek rejection to get back to reality. 

"Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do"

Healthy Highs - Take The High-Road, Not Just The High

How many of us have reached the age where we have experienced the following from taking unhealthy highs:

• We don't get to sleep at a reasonable hour and quite possibly might murder a co-worker
• We drink on a week night and either call in sick or make a bad impression on our boss.
• On that note, hangovers are no longer just a headache, they are feelings of regret and hoping no one replies to your drunk sexts once sober.
• Vegging out with chips, chocolate and ice cream will ALWAYS result in shitting (your friends bathrooms have all now been broken-in)
• Not looking/feeling hot? You took a hot selfie with 3 filters layered on top last week. Post it.

The above are all examples of cause/effect of taking unhealthy highs. In 'The House Bunny', Anna Farris tells a long-winded story of when she used to take medicine that made her itchy but also gave her a sexy tan. She was doing something to make herself feel better, but in reality, it was toxic and hurting her. 

There comes a time in our life, and I believe it is at the ripe ole' age of 28, that we come to a fork in the road. We have to decide; will we take the high-road, or just the highs? Really this question is posed to encourage us to find our 'healthy highs' in life. The ones that not only make us feel good in the short-term but benefit us in the long-term. 

There are variety of things we do in our young lives that give us a sense of high, making us believe we've found a shortcut to happiness. For example; seeking attention from emotionally unavailable men, instead of being vulnerable for available men in the long-term. Drinking and eating shit every week instead of making healthy choices and finding a balance. Spending your weekends doing things for other people instead of doing things that you, yourself, enjoy.

So why do we take these highs that have such devastatingly low lows? 
I find a majority of the highs we take are, as mentioned above, us trying to find a shortcut to happiness. I know when I'm not feeling too 'hot' I'll have a drink or two and feel my confidence shoots up. In reality, I think I'd feel more confident in the long term if I worked hard towards a body goal. And what's best? I'll have actually earned that feeling.

Below are 3 examples of Highs and their sub-sequent 'Healthy High' alternatives. 

High: Unavailable Men 

Healthy High: Mr. Right

In a generation that's finally coined a word to describe emotionally draining men; fuckboys, it's time for us to recognize these 'highs' and avoid them. Okay, what would life be without a few 'fun' nights, but trying to drag those temporary highs into long-term relationships is not going to help. The only way you will benefit yourself in the long-term is by learning to love yourself, knowing when 'fun' is actually fun (not a distraction), and to be vulnerable. If you're vulnerable for someone else's love before you love yourself, you're in for a rough road.  

High: Binging

Healthy High: Balancing

There's a saying; drinking is simply borrowing happiness from tomorrow. And if you are drinking to get over something, I imagine there wasn't much happiness to borrow from in the first place. Long term, you want to enjoy the drinks you drink, and not hit a low when it's over. Don't use drinking to move past something you're not over. In my experience, if you drink because you're in a bad mood, you become a bad drunk. You experience a bad emotional hangover too. In the game of life, it's hurt now, or hurt later...

High: Hate

Healthy High: Love

In Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts states "the bad stuff is easier to believe". I never quite understood why it's easier to believe, but I knew it was true. Now that I'm older I know it's easier to believe because it's easier to hate. The hard part in life is finding the silver lining. We all have to vent at some point, that's just life. But if we continue to do it, dwell on it, and don't seek a conclusion to it all, we are stuck on that 'high' of hatred. As we move into the Age of Engagement, we are starting to seek friends we have mutual 'likes' in common with, not mutual 'enemies'. This is us finding our love; in our friends, in ourselves and in our lives.

Post-Script

So what spurred on this blog post about Healthy Highs? Let's just say the more money I spent on drinks, and the more energy I spent on unavailable men, the more hungover and hurt I've become. I'm going to learn to have fun for the right reasons. If you're sad, be sad! Taking temporary highs do not add up to taking the high-road. They just keep you distracted from something you'll eventually have to deal with.