Learn More About The Undomesticated & being Twentysomething in the city.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Do You Have A 'Chandler Bing Job'?

If you had to Google 'What was Chandler Bing's job' before reading this blog post, congratulations! You aren't alone. IT Procurement Manager? Data Analyst... or as Rachel said: 'transponster'. 

We all laughed, of course, but the reality is, we were bound to end up with 'Chandler Bing Jobs'. Did we really think we'd get any of the other jobs mentioned on the show; Chef? Actor? Archeologist? Okay, no one wants to be Ross (though some of us ARE Ross - you know who you are).

So how did we get here? How did we become Data Analysts? Front-End Developers? Lead Generation Marketing Managers? In addition to our 'Chandler Bing' job titles, we worked at 'Chandler Bing' companies. They are company names you don't even bother saying because they are virtually unknown. Now that we are 'Chandler Bing' age, we can all admit; WE GOT CHANDLER JOBS! 
*Except insta-models. 

Need we forget that Chandler kinda fucking hated his job? He made good money, but at the age of 30-something he switched to find the career he really wanted, and he took a major risk to get there. So my thinking is... should we wait to be 30-something Chandler, interviewing for jobs in see-through shirts that exposed his nipples OR take the 'risk' now... when we're still relatively young?

How to tell if you have a 'Chandler Bing Job':

  1. Do you hate the work you do?
  2. Does your job destroy your passion and creativity?
  3. Do you have a third nipple?
  4. Do you yell about a WENUS?
  5. Do you refer to it as a job, not a career?

If you answered YES to all of the above, congratulations, you have a 'Chandler Bing Job'! 

That being said, you can still avoid the fate of being the 'Chandler Bing' in your friends group. No one wants to spend late nights yelling 'I'm looking at the WENUS and I'M NOT HAPPY!' or picking up super-models saying 'Gum would be perfection...'. 

We can change this... 

So how can you change your fate and find your dream job? (Rachel: I'm an Assistant Buyer!). 

The options are simple; either love what you do (cause you do it a lot) or take steps to find something you do. 
  • Find some free online courses. For example, if you're interested in Marketing; Google Analytics certification is free and so is attending on-trend webinars! 
  • Seek out connections who have jobs you'd like to learn more about. Connect on LinkedIn, review their company, learn how they achieved their goals.
  • Determine if you company has some career development options.  
  • Write down where you hope your career will be in 1, 2, or 5 years. 
If there's another direction you want your career to go towards, take calculated steps to get there. With youth comes the ability to take risks (before you adopt twins). 

If you love your job, THAT'S AWESOME! I can't say that becoming a B2B Marketing Manager for an intranet software company was what I wrote down on Career Day, but I love what I get to do each day; expanding brands, creative problem solving, managing a team, and I'm usually quite happy about my WENUS each night. 

Sunday, June 25, 2017

What's The Difference Between Venting and Word-Vomit?

There’s a fine line between venting about a problem and word vomit. I provide 3 tips to improve your social gag reflexes! 

What is the difference between venting and word vomit?

Venting: allowing yourself to speak negatively about a timely, or topical, situation so as to move past the anger and find a solution. SHORT TERM.

Word Vomit: neither recent, nor naturally brought up in a conversation, word vomit occurs due to something or someone versus a situation. If I may quote a super drunk friend who vomited; I had to, it felt like breathing. LONG TERM.

When just the mention of something, or someone, sends you down a blackhole of negativity, you may be experiencing 'word-vomit'. People will stop wanting to hang out with you if all you do is drain your energy into your negative word vomit. And it’s not your fault. IT HAPPENS, but I’m hoping there's a solution to make it happen less often or turn that word vomit into venting.

We all know how the phrase ‘word vomit’ came into our vocabulary; Mean Girls. Cady became so obsessed with being negative about Regina George that she would find reasons to talk about her, and literally couldn’t stop the negativity spewing from her mouth. 

Some common word vomit topics;

  • ex-boyfriends
  • ex-friends (see BFF BreakUp)
  • bosses (if part of your job is frustrating you are more likely to vent, but when it’s someone you have to deal with no matter what is happening at work, it’s word vomit)
  • a restaurant 

So how can we ensure we vent without vomiting? 

1. Is there something YOU can do to feel better?

First we have to determine if this problem will be something that can be solved. If there’s a person who just makes your mouth water with anticipation for a toilet bowl, but you can’t avoid them… you clearly have a problem, and the only way to ‘solve’ this is to remove them from your life any way possible. In other terms; the only solution is what you can do. Look for a new job or remove your ex-boyfriends and friends from any social media.

2. Be selfish, take space. 

From taking a vacation from work, or avoiding a few parties that may involve ex’s, a break may seem selfish, but space is very important. I’m not saying isolate yourself, but find people who don’t know that side of your life that can enjoy a conversation that doesn't feel like a finger down your throat. Once you’ve taken the space you need, you can slowly reintroduce yourself to that circle, if it feels right. 

3. Write it down.

When you find yourself continually word-vomitting, it may feel that's the only thing you ever talk to your friends about anymore. Having friends, and family, is a two-way street. You need to be there for them as much as they are for you, and if you aren’t actively taking steps to address the issue, they may be left wondering; Will they ever care about my life if they can’t take care of their own? I find the healthiest way to word-vomit is to write it down. Find some recurring issues and take those to your friends. For instance; your boss may be an asshole. With that in mind; all your friends have bosses. If you find there’s one thing your boss is repeatedly doing that really sets off your gag reflex, ask if they’ve ever encountered it, and if so, how they handled it. If not, how would they go about handling it. Allowing your friends opinions to be heard, instead of just your own vendetta, ensures the conversation is something you can both gain from. 

In Conclusion; 

We are often asked, in job interviews, by friends etc. how we deal with stress. Most responses are; yoga, running and sure… that might work for ‘some’ people. But a majority of us find comfort in speaking to other people about our problems. Perhaps following the 3 steps above will ensure we can fix a long-term problem and go from word-vomit to venting! 

Saturday, June 17, 2017

What Are Almost Lovers?

Almost Lovers create a lot of heartache, longing, and hope. This type of 'relationship' probably stings the most because whatever there 'was' is matched by a lot of 'wasn't'. You really could have fallen for them and therefore you can't stop thinking about them. 

Almost-Lover Definition: A relationship that never reaches it's full potential. That ghost of the potential relationship haunts you. 

What's the difference between Almost Lovers and a crush?  Mutual attraction.

The saying goes; the answer is always no unless you ask. But in reality, the answer is always 'maybe' until you're rejected. And sometimes you really, truly, need to be rejection. There are a variety of reasons you 'never ask'. It's usually because you know the answer would be no. From meeting them while abroad, to meeting them while married, these almost-lovers end with a fizzle, not a bang, and fizzles are the most unsatisfying of endings.

Imagine Titanic ended with both Jack and Rose landing in New York City. They really have nothing in common, and they drift. DAMN, that's an awful fizzle. Him freezing to death was definitely a necessary 'bang' ending (I suppose more like a crack). 

With ALL that in mind, these almost-lovers can be extremely difficult to shake off. The impending 'what if' follows you around, putting you in a daze and you struggle to concentrate. It's basically blue balls of the brain. 

There are a lot of things that can be lost when you really don't try, for instance jobs. That being said, the loss we romanticize is potential we never realized. 

What is the solution to getting over almost-lovers? 

1. Time 

Once the rose tinted glasses start to fade you'll soon realize the little things that you previously overlooked in an effort to stay in this love struck mood. For instance; their wedding ring *eyeroll*. Eventually you'll see them again and attempt to force what was once there, but it will never be the same. And deep down, you don't want it to be. 

2. Reality

In an effort to maintain an incredible sexual tension you go out more, dress up sexier, and use social media to your advantage. You think; they'll see me and get in touch. And almost lovers are the worst, they WILL get in touch. Mainly because they like the attention they get, but perhaps there's some lingering connection. Eventually the efforts you put in to making someone notice you, makes you notice yourself. You're going to the beach, weekend BBQ's, shopping for awesome new clothes. In an effort to 'appear' awesome, you naturally become your awesome self. Reality can bite, but it'll lick you after.

3. Nothing...

Once you've classified a relationship as an 'Almost Lover', don't rush to get over it. Jerry Seinfeld always said "Breaking up is like pushing over a vending machine, it takes a few pushes". As long as you're not chasing a high instead of opting for the high road, you'll be fine. The high in this situation; you'll do anything to stay lovestruck to this unavailable person. The high-road; you realize it's a distraction and you know it's not your priority. 

Don't let your crush, crush you.

Post Script

Stop chasing ghosts (almost-lovers), avoid the fizzle ending, and seek rejection to get back to reality. 

"Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do"

Healthy Highs - Take The High-Road, Not Just The High

How many of us have reached the age where we have experienced the following from taking unhealthy highs:

  • We don't get to sleep at a reasonable hour and quite possibly might murder a co-worker
  • We drink on a week night and either call in sick or make a bad impression on our boss.
  • On that note, hangovers are no longer just a headache, they are feelings of regret and hoping no one replies to your drunk sexts once sober.
  • Vegging out with chips, chocolate and ice cream will ALWAYS result in shitting (your friends bathrooms have all now been broken-in)
  • Not looking/feeling hot? You took a hot selfie with 3 filters layered on top last week. Post it.
The above are all examples of cause/effect of taking unhealthy highs. In 'The House Bunny', Anna Farris tells a long-winded story of when she used to take medicine that made her itchy but also gave her a sexy tan. She was doing something to make herself feel better, but in reality, it was toxic and hurting her. 

There comes a time in our life, and I believe it is at the ripe ole' age of 28, that we come to a fork in the road. We have to decide; will we take the high-road, or just the highs? Really this question is posed to encourage us to find our 'healthy highs' in life. The ones that not only make us feel good in the short-term but benefit us in the long-term. 

There are variety of things we do in our young lives that give us a sense of high, making us believe we've found a shortcut to happiness. For example; seeking attention from emotionally unavailable men, instead of being vulnerable for available men in the long-term. Drinking and eating shit every week instead of making healthy choices and finding a balance. Spending your weekends doing things for other people instead of doing things that you, yourself, enjoy.

So why do we take these highs that have such devastatingly low lows? 
I find a majority of the highs we take are, as mentioned above, us trying to find a shortcut to happiness. I know when I'm not feeling too 'hot' I'll have a drink or two and feel my confidence shoots up. In reality, I think I'd feel more confident in the long term if I worked hard towards a body goal. And what's best? I'll have actually earned that feeling.

Below are 3 examples of Highs and their sub-sequent 'Healthy High' alternatives. 

High: Unavailable Men 

Healthy High: Mr. Right

In a generation that's finally coined a word to describe emotionally draining men; fuckboys, it's time for us to recognize these 'highs' and avoid them. Okay, what would life be without a few 'fun' nights, but trying to drag those temporary highs into long-term relationships is not going to help. The only way you will benefit yourself in the long-term is by learning to love yourself, knowing when 'fun' is actually fun (not a distraction), and to be vulnerable. If you're vulnerable for someone else's love before you love yourself, you're in for a rough road.  

High: Binging

Healthy High: Balancing

There's a saying; drinking is simply borrowing happiness from tomorrow. And if you are drinking to get over something, I imagine there wasn't much happiness to borrow from in the first place. Long term, you want to enjoy the drinks you drink, and not hit a low when it's over. Don't use drinking to move past something you're not over. In my experience, if you drink because you're in a bad mood, you become a bad drunk. You experience a bad emotional hangover too. In the game of life, it's hurt now, or hurt later...

High: Hate

Healthy High: Love

In Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts states "the bad stuff is easier to believe". I never quite understood why it's easier to believe, but I knew it was true. Now that I'm older I know it's easier to believe because it's easier to hate. The hard part in life is finding the silver lining. We all have to vent at some point, that's just life. But if we continue to do it, dwell on it, and don't seek a conclusion to it all, we are stuck on that 'high' of hatred. As we move into the Age of Engagement, we are starting to seek friends we have mutual 'likes' in common with, not mutual 'enemies'. This is us finding our love; in our friends, in ourselves and in our lives.


So what spurred on this blog post about Healthy Highs? Let's just say the more money I spent on drinks, and the more energy I spent on unavailable men, the more hungover and hurt I've become. I'm going to learn to have fun for the right reasons. If you're sad, be sad! Taking temporary highs do not add up to taking the high-road. They just keep you distracted from something you'll eventually have to deal with.