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Friday, April 05, 2013
The Three F's of Life
I was recently interviewed by a recruitment agency. What I thought was a standard interview turned into a session of identifying my ‘Red Flag’s.
After reviewing my resume, he noted that I have a pattern of leaving jobs prematurely, and he asked some questions that I was not prepared to answer.
Do I not like to maintain things?
Do I get bored or scared?
Do I regret my decisions?
Although he was speaking about jobs, I couldn’t help but reflect upon my life; work, friends, lovers…
A lyric describes my lifestyle quite well: “I can be your china doll if you’d like to see me fall”, except I don’t let myself fall. I don’t let myself fail. And most of all, I don’t let myself finish.
I don’t want to be viewed as a broken; I want to be remembered positively. I fear the Three F’s.
He asked me what I was most proud of?
It's funny because the things I were most proud about were my incomplete experiences, when in reality, you should be proud about the things you’ve accomplished.
I always believed that you either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain, but life gives you choices. You can either continue making the heroic choices, or yes, become the villain. I didn’t know there were choices, I didn’t know that you can recover from being dropped, broken or seen as flawed, but now I do.
I have references from every job I’ve ever had, and they all give me positive reviews. I’ve been uprooted my entire life and left friends with only pleasant things to say about me.
But now that I’ve been living in one place for a while, there are some people that I can’t escape, and they see me better than I see myself. My cracks are beginning to show, and instead of leaving me, they want to know more.
I’ve always ended things early when it comes to friendships, jobs and lovers because I want to remember the good, but it turns out I just break them, and leave myself whole.
I always thought I left because of their red flags, but it turns out it was my own red flag.
My initial reaction to his questions was that I’m only 24, isn’t this expected? And the short answer is no. When you’re young, you are supposed to allow yourself to fall, fail and finish.
It would be awful to be 40 and learn what falling in love is, heartbreak is, failing at your job is etc.
We are young and resilient. We can give ourselves the opportunity to bounce back, find the heroic choices, and allow people to learn more than our first impressions allow.
I vow I will follow through with my life, my loves and my careers. We owe it to ourselves to have these experiences and to finish them. We are, after all, only in our 20’s once.